“ I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 2.7K
“ I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don’t know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I’ll break up with someone on purpose. ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 1.5K
“ I gave my father $100 and said, Buy yourself something that will make your life easier. So he went out and bought a present for my mother. ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 551
“ A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won’t get a bikini wax. ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 1.1K
“ A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won’t get a bikini wax. ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 935
“ I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 1.6K
“ I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
“ I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself ‘well, that’s not going to happen!’ ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 2.7K
“ “Whenever I date a guy, I think, “Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?” ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 723
“ A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe. ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 1.9K
“ I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 1.1K
“ I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 1.4K
“ Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with? ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 1.2K
“ When I want to end a relationship I just say, ‘You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.’ Sometimes they leave skid marks. ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 2.6K
“ Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me. I have a dress that I paid so little for that I am afraid to wear it. I could spill something on it, and then how would I replace it for that amount of money? ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 1.5K
“ I love to sleep. Do you? Isn’t it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious. ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 3.7K
“ I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious. ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 2K
“ Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 2.5K
“ I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine. ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 1.4K
“ My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to. ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 212
“ My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to. ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 2.4K
“ I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother. ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 2.1K
“ My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 1.9K
“ I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 1.1K
“ Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before. ”
- Rita Rudner- Copy
- 1.8K
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