“ My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food. She goes on tuesdays, I go Fridays. ”
- Henry Youngman- Copy
“ My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. ”
- Henry Youngman- Copy
- 541
“ I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the carburettor'. I said, 'Where's the car?' She said, 'In the lake'. ”
- Henry Youngman- Copy
- 3.7K
“ I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet. ”
- Henry Youngman- Copy
- 170
“ My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City? ”
- Henry Youngman- Copy
- 3.7K
“ Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. ”
- Henry Youngman- Copy
- 3K
“ Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. ”
- Henry Youngman- Copy
- 2.1K
“ Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. ”
- Henry Youngman- Copy
- 2.3K
“ Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. ”
- Henry Youngman- Copy
- 1.9K
“ The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do" asks the patient. The doctor says "I'm mad at my neighbor!". ”
- Henry Youngman- Copy
- 3.4K
“ Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. ”
- Henry Youngman- Copy
- 3.2K
“ Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. ”
- Henry Youngman- Copy
- 391
“ My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City? ”
- Henry Youngman- Copy
- 2.7K
“ My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first! ”
- Henry Youngman- Copy
- 1.5K
“ This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number. ”
- Henry Youngman- Copy
- 968
“ While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. ”
- Henry Youngman- Copy
- 2.6K
“ Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. ”
- Henry Youngman- Copy
- 3.9K
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