Quotes of Stephen Wright - somelinesforyou

“ 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? ”

- Stephen Wright

“ I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, ‘Have you got anything I’d like?’ Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, ‘Extra medium.’ ”

- Stephen Wright

“ A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could have only one book, what would it be? I always say, "How to Build a Boat. ”

- Stephen Wright

“ I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy. ”

- Stephen Wright

“ I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. On and off. On and off. One day I got a call from a woman in France who said "Cut it out!". ”

- Stephen Wright

“ My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere. ”

- Stephen Wright

“ My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and he said 'Do I know you? ”

- Stephen Wright

“ I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing. ”

- Stephen Wright

“ We need to encourage policies that recognize that being a little long in electricity is much better for consumers than being a little short. ”

- Stephen Wright

“ If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? ”

- Stephen Wright

“ Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? ”

- Stephen Wright

“ I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. ”

- Stephen Wright

“ I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. ”

- Stephen Wright

“ When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. ”

- Stephen Wright

“ My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant. ”

- Stephen Wright

“ I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. ”

- Stephen Wright

“ I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. ”

- Stephen Wright

“ We need to encourage policies that recognize that being a little long in electricity is much better for consumers than being a little short. ”

- Stephen Wright

“ When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?". ”

- Stephen Wright

“ Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? ”

- Stephen Wright

“ I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. ”

- Stephen Wright

“ The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. ”

- Stephen Wright

“ Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? ”

- Stephen Wright

“ I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. On and off. On and off. One day I got a call from a woman in France who said "Cut it out!". ”

- Stephen Wright

“ Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, 'What are you doing here, you've never worked a day in your life!'. ”

- Stephen Wright

“ The commemorations have been very moving for all of us and have been a demonstration of the solidarity of seafarers. ”

- Stephen Wright

“ When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. ”

- Stephen Wright

“ If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? ”

- Stephen Wright

“ I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. ”

- Stephen Wright

“ I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. ”

- Stephen Wright
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