Quotes of Johnny Carson

“ If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ People will pay more to be entertained than educated. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: "Are your ready?". ”

- Johnny Carson

“ The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ Blow in it's ear. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ Your chances of getting struck by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and say "Storms suck"! ”

- Johnny Carson

“ If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ He's so fat, he can be his own running mate. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined. ”

- Johnny Carson

“ For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. ”

- Johnny Carson
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