Quotes of Funny Work - somelinesforyou

“ Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. ”

- Drew Carey

“ All I ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work. ”

- Sergeant Bilko

“ I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday. ”

- Unknown

“ No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early. ”

- Groucho Marx

“ Hey, I won’t be in today. I have Anal Glaucoma. I can’t see my ass coming into work. ”

- Unknown

“ I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy. ”

- Danny McGoorty

“ I am feeling a bit overworked and under intoxicated. ”

- Unknown

“ All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind. ”

- Aristotle

“ I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. ”

- Charles Lamb

“ The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. ”

- Robert Frost

“ If A equals success, then the formula is A= X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut. ”

- Albert Einstein

“ My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it. ”

- Abraham Lincoln

“ Work is the greatest thing in the world. So we should always save some of it for tomorrow. ”

- Don Herold

“ Work is a necessary evil to be avoided. ”

- Mark Twain

“ A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost. ”

- Unknown

“ People don’t think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationary store with Danish. You want to get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee, and you go home. ”

- Jerry Seinfield

“ I truly believe the wireless mouse was invented so people at work had one less thing to hang themselves with. ”

- Mike Vanatta

“ I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. ”

- Unknown

“ The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat. ”

- Lilly Tomlin

“ One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important. ”

- Bertrand Russell

“ Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? ”

- Edgar Bergen

“ I don’t mind coming to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is just bullshit! ”

- Unknown

“ Right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train. ”

- Jim Halpert The Office

“ Sometimes I can’t figure out if I am in preschool or high school. Oh, wait. I’m at work. ”

- Unknown

“ Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he’s supposed to be doing at that moment. ”

- Robert Benchley

“ It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work. ”

- William Faulkner

“ Personally, I have nothing against work, particularly when performed, quietly and unobtrusively, by someone else. ”

- Barbara Ehrenreich

“ Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job. ”

- Unknown

“ If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. ”

- Homer Simpson

“ I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work. ”

- Stephen Colbert
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3