“ So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'. ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 978
“ So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me Can you give me a lift? I said Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it. ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 4K
“ So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'. ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 359
“ Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone. ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 322
“ So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died.'. ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 1.3K
“ Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience! ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 3.6K
“ And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said, 'Do you earn a living doing that?'. He said, 'Yes, this my livelihood'. ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 2.3K
“ Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone. ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 3.2K
“ Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone. ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 1.3K
“ I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone. ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 3.9K
“ So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it." ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 2.9K
“ Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 2.5K
“ Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone. ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 2.3K
“ So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'. ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 921
“ Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience! ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 1.6K
“ So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me Can you give me a lift? I said Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it. ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 2.2K
“ Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone. ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 2.6K
“ You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'. ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 1.4K
“ Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 1.1K
“ And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said, 'Do you earn a living doing that?'. He said, 'Yes, this my livelihood'. ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 2.9K
“ You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'. ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 1.3K
“ And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said, 'Do you earn a living doing that?'. He said, 'Yes, this my livelihood'. ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 1K
“ So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said You've been promoted again. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director… ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 4K
“ So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'. ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 3.4K
“ I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'. ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 251
“ So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it." ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 3.9K
“ So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'. ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 2K
“ A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'. ”
- Tommy Cooper- Copy
- 808
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