Quotes of Phyllis Diller

“ I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance? ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ It’s a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I’d be rotten to the core. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ We spend the first 12 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 months teaching them to sit down and shut up. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ Housework won't kill you, but then again, why take the chance? ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. ”

- Phyllis Diller

“ Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed. ”

- Phyllis Diller
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