“ I’m one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 820
“ My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I’m thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 3.7K
“ It's your living room, it's your life, go nuts. You like Home Improvement? Tape it and go over it like it's the Zapruder film. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 1.8K
“ If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 3.9K
“ The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 568
“ There should be some kind of dedication of a portion of the funds to Town Center. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 1.1K
“ The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 287
“ If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 2.4K
“ And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 88
“ A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 1.4K
“ Economists predict that this year's federal surplus will be $120 billion less than predicted in January. The missing $120 billion was reportedly last seen on a date with Congressman Gary Condit. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 2.8K
“ A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 2.1K
“ A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second hand, George. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 3.8K
“ If some unemployed punk in New Jersey, can get a cassette to make love to Elle McPherson for $19.95, this virtual reality stuff is going to make crack look like Sanka. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 448
“ After seven years of marriage, I'm sure of two things — first, never wallpaper together, and second, you'll need two bathrooms… both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
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“ I'd say the chances are about 50-50 that humanity will be extinct or nearly extinct within 50 years. Weapons of mass destruction, disease, I mean this global warming is scaring the living daylights out of me. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 2.8K
“ The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 968
“ Economists predict that this year's federal surplus will be $120 billion less than predicted in January. The missing $120 billion was reportedly last seen on a date with Congressman Gary Condit. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 3.1K
“ After seven years of marriage, I'm sure of two things — first, never wallpaper together, and second, you'll need two bathrooms… both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 2.9K
“ After seven years of marriage, I'm sure of two things — first, never wallpaper together, and second, you'll need two bathrooms… both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 2.9K
“ Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash? ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 4K
“ I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 1.8K
“ I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 3.2K
“ Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash? ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 667
“ If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 2.4K
“ If you get to be thirty-five and your job still involves wearing a name tag, you've probably made a serious vocational error. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 3.4K
“ What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 4K
“ Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again. ”
- Dennis Miller- Copy
- 2.6K
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