Quotes of Steven Wright

“ Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. ”

- Steven Wright

“ My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. ”

- Steven Wright

“ Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. ”

- Steven Wright

“ There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. ”

- Steven Wright

“ When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' ”

- Steven Wright

“ I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. ”

- Steven Wright

“ I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. ”

- Steven Wright

“ If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. ”

- Steven Wright

“ I’m addicted to placebos. ”

- Steven Wright

“ I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head. ”

- Steven Wright

“ I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. ”

- Steven Wright

“ I wrote a few children’s books… not on purpose. ”

- Steven Wright

“ What a nice night for an evening. ”

- Steven Wright

“ I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. ”

- Steven Wright

“ A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. ”

- Steven Wright

“ I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. ”

- Steven Wright

“ If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. ”

- Steven Wright

“ When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep good?’ I said ‘No, I made a few mistakes. ”

- Steven Wright

“ I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. ”

- Steven Wright

“ Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. ”

- Steven Wright

“ I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything. ”

- Steven Wright

“ A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. ”

- Steven Wright

“ If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. ”

- Steven Wright

“ I’m addicted to placebos. ”

- Steven Wright

“ What’s another word for Thesaurus? ”

- Steven Wright

“ Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. ”

- Steven Wright

“ If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. ”

- Steven Wright

“ I’m addicted to placebos. ”

- Steven Wright

“ What’s another word for Thesaurus? ”

- Steven Wright

“ Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. ”

- Steven Wright
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