Quotes of Jay London

“ I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm. ”

- Jay London

“ I had a very lonely New Year's this year, I had to watch my own balls drop. ”

- Jay London

“ A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked. ”

- Jay London

“ My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality. ”

- Jay London

“ My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings. ”

- Jay London

“ You know what burns me? Matches. ”

- Jay London

“ I saw a sign it said left lane closed so I went someplace else. ”

- Jay London

“ My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings. ”

- Jay London

“ Virgo, and a real Virgo. Nit picky, cranky, cantankerous, fidgety, neurotic. All of the above, but that's good. ”

- Jay London

“ People read me but they don't subscribe. ”

- Jay London

“ I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it. ”

- Jay London

“ I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling. ”

- Jay London

“ I had a very lonely New Year's this year, I had to watch my own balls drop. ”

- Jay London

“ After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride. ”

- Jay London

“ I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who? ”

- Jay London

“ I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who? ”

- Jay London

“ I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it. ”

- Jay London

“ At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you? ”

- Jay London

“ I had a very lonely New Year's this year, I had to watch my own balls drop. ”

- Jay London

“ I had a very lonely New Year's this year, I had to watch my own balls drop. ”

- Jay London

“ I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out. ”

- Jay London

“ I dated a partially nude model, and she did a half-assed job. ”

- Jay London

“ I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm. ”

- Jay London

“ My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless. ”

- Jay London

“ I went out with a promiscuous impressionist - she did everybody. ”

- Jay London

“ I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world. ”

- Jay London

“ I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness. ”

- Jay London

“ I went out with a promiscuous impressionist - she did everybody. ”

- Jay London

“ My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality. ”

- Jay London

“ I had a very lonely New Year's this year, I had to watch my own balls drop. ”

- Jay London
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