Quotes of Ogden Nash

“ A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ To keep your marriage brimming with love in the cup, whenever you’re wrong admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ Candy is dandy But liquor is quicker. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; Whenever you’re right, shut up. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ Children aren’t happy without something to ignore, and that’s what parents were created for. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ Some pains are physical, and some pains are mental, but the one that's both is dental. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ Higgledy piggledy, my black hen, She lays eggs for gentlemen. Gentlemen come every day To count what my black hen doth lay. If perchance she lays too many, They fine my hen a pretty penny; If perchance she fails to lay, The gentlemen a bonus pay. Mumbledy pumbledy, my red cow, She’s cooperating now. At first she didn’t understand That milk production must be planned; She didn’t understand at first She either had to plan or burst, But now the government reports She’s giving pints instead of quarts. Fiddle de dee, my nextdoor neighbors, They are giggling at their labors. First they plant the tiny seed, Then they water, then they weed, Then they hoe and prune and lop, They they raise a record crop, Then they laugh their sides asunder, And plow the whole caboodle under. Abracadabra, thus we learn The more you create, the less you earn. The less you earn, the more you’re given, The less you lead, the more you’re driven, The more destroyed, the more they feed, The more you pay, the more they need, The more you earn, the less you keep, And now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to take If the taxcollector hasn’t got it before I wake. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ How do I feel today? I feel as unfit as an unfiddle, And it is the result of a certain turbulence in the mind and an uncertain burbulence in the middle. What was it, anyway, that angry thing that flew at me? I am unused to banshees crying Boo at me. Your wife can’t be a banshee— Or can she? ”

- Ogden Nash

“ Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here's a typewriter, here's a stencil, here's a list of today's appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures — take them, George, they're yours! ”

- Ogden Nash

“ Man is a victim of dope in the incurable form of hope. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ Basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ Basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience, or none at all. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ Never befriend the oppressed unless you are prepared to take on the oppressor. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick. ”

- Ogden Nash

“ He without benefit of scruples His fun and money soon quadruples. ”

- Ogden Nash
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