Quotes of Garrison Keillor

“ Whoever loves becomes humble. Those who love have, so to speak, pawned a part of their narcissism. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ The father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to his sons, berates them, shakes his antlers, paws the ground, snorts, runs them off into the underbrush, but when his daughter puts her arm over his shoulder and says, “Daddy, I need to ask you something,” he is a pat of butter in a hot frying pan. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out his nose. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ Thank you, dear God, for this good life, and forgive us if we do not love it enough. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. Thank you for the rain. And for the chance to wake up in three hours and go fishing: I thank you for that now, because I won’t feel so thankful then. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ Beauty isn’t worth thinking about; what’s important is your mind. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ When in doubt, look intelligent. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ The French have a new president, the British will soon have a new P.M., and we envy them as we endure the endless wait for this small dim man to go back to Texas and resume his life. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ Evelyn was an insomniac so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ And then I stand in front of God's Throne squinting up at His blazing glory and He says, 'You had your opportunities, boy. But did you listen? No. You went on heedlesly reading that garbagey magazine with pictures of naked girls in it. How juvenile! I gave geese more sense than that.' Please, God. I'm only fourteen years old. A teenager. Have mercy. Be loving. I was,' says God. 'For eons. And look at what it got me. You.' God turns in disgust, just the way Daddy does. 'Sorry, but I'm the Creator. I take it personally. There are slugs and bugs and nightcrawlers I feel better about having created I mean, there are sparrows I've got my eye on one right now. Is that sparrow consumed with lust? No. He mates in the spring and that's the end of it. Consider the lilies. Do they think about lily tits all the time? No. They look not and they lust not, and yet I say unto you that you will never be half as attractive as they. Therefore, I say unto you, think not about peckers and boobs and all that nonsense and your Heavenly Father will see that you meet a good woman and marry her, just as I do for the sparrow and walleye yea verily, even the nightcrawler and the eelpout. But I've told you this over and over for nineteen centuries. And now, verily, it's too late. Time's up, buster. Lights out! Game's over! ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ I can see how I could write a bold account of myself as a passionate man who rose from humble beginnings to cut a wide swath in the world, whose crimes along the way might be written off to extravagance and love and art, and could even almost believe some of it myself on certain days after the sun went down if I’d had a snort or two and was in Los Angeles and it was February and I was twentyfour, but I find a truer account in the HeraldStar, where it says: “Mr. Gary Keillor visited at the home of Al and Florence Crandall on Monday and after lunch returned to St. Paul, where he is currently employed in the radio show business… Lunch was fried chicken with gravy and creamed peas”. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ What would people think?' Jesus said that people think all sorts of things. The human mind is like a cloud of gnats. Constant motion. That's why you have to look at the heart. 'Oh,' said Grandpa. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ A young writer is easily tempted by the allusive and ethereal and ironic and reflective, but the declarative is at the bottom of most good writing. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ Just because we're fictional characters doesn't mean you can pick us up and move us anywhere you want.the people of Lake Woebegon ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ And then I stand in front of God's Throne squinting up at His blazing glory and He says, 'You had your opportunities, boy. But did you listen? No. You went on heedlesly reading that garbagey magazine with pictures of naked girls in it. How juvenile! I gave geese more sense than that.' Please, God. I'm only fourteen years old. A teenager. Have mercy. Be loving. I was,' says God. 'For eons. And look at what it got me. You.' God turns in disgust, just the way Daddy does. 'Sorry, but I'm the Creator. I take it personally. There are slugs and bugs and nightcrawlers I feel better about having created I mean, there are sparrows I've got my eye on one right now. Is that sparrow consumed with lust? No. He mates in the spring and that's the end of it. Consider the lilies. Do they think about lily tits all the time? No. They look not and they lust not, and yet I say unto you that you will never be half as attractive as they. Therefore, I say unto you, think not about peckers and boobs and all that nonsense and your Heavenly Father will see that you meet a good woman and marry her, just as I do for the sparrow and walleye yea verily, even the nightcrawler and the eelpout. But I've told you this over and over for nineteen centuries. And now, verily, it's too late. Time's up, buster. Lights out! Game's over! ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ I used to think that kid might become a preacher. Now I don't see how he's going to stay out of prison. Nobody in this family ever went to prison for sex crimes. He'd be the first." Yes," says Jesus, "you never know about these things." He and Grandpa are drinking cups of coffee and eating ginger snaps. Grandpa says, "When are you planning to return to earth?" Soon as I finish this coffee," say Jesus. "Pretty good, isn't it. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ When you wage war on the public schools, you're attacking the mortar that holds the community together. You're not a conservative, you're a vandal. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ When you wage war on the public schools, you're attacking the mortar that holds the community together. You're not a conservative, you're a vandal. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ A book is a gift you can open again and again. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ A book is a gift you can open again and again. ”

- Garrison Keillor

“ Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. ”

- Garrison Keillor
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