“ Love: the sickest of Irony’s sick jokes. The place where logic and order go to die. ”
- Christopher Moore- Copy
- 2.9K
“ If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them. ”
- Christopher Moore- Copy
- 3.9K
“ It’s sarcasm, Josh.” “Sarcasm?” “It’s from the Greek, sarkasmos. To bite the lips. It means that you aren’t really saying what you mean, but people will get your point. I invented it, Bartholomew named it.” “Well, if the village idiot named it, I’m sure it’s a good thing.” “There you go, you got it.” “Got what?” “Sarcasm.” “No, I meant it.” “Sure you did.” “Is that sarcasm?” “Irony, I think.” “What’s the difference?” “I haven’t the slightest idea.” “So you’re being ironic now, right?” “No, I really don’t know.” “Maybe you should ask the idiot.” “Now you’ve got it.” “What?” “Sarcasm. ”
- Christopher Moore- Copy
- 1K
“ I've seen more intelligence in the crotch lice of harem whores. ”
- Christopher Moore- Copy
- 2.9K
“ Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There’s no such place. ”
- Christopher Moore- Copy
- 1.7K
“ Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe. ”
- Christopher Moore- Copy
- 232
“ Joshua's ministry was three years of preaching, sometimes three times a day, and although there were some high and low points, I could never remember the sermons word for word, but here's the gist of almost every sermon I ever heard Joshua give. You should be nice to people, even creeps. And if you: a) believed that Joshua was the Son of God (and) b) he had come to save you from sin (and) c) acknowledged the Holy Spirit within you (became as a little child, he would say) (and) d) didn't blaspheme the Holy Ghost (see c) then you would: e) live forever f) someplace nice g) probably heavan However, if you: h) sinned (and/or) i) were a hypocrite (and/or) j) valued things over people (and) k) didn't do a, b, c, and d, then you were: l) fucked ”
- Christopher Moore- Copy
- 3.3K
“ Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry, you can't have a baby brother, because that would mean that Daddy had sex, and that's never going to happen again. ”
- Christopher Moore- Copy
- 2.8K
“ I've tried to get the angel to watch MTV so I can learn the vocabulary of your music, but even with the gift of tongues, I'm having trouble learning to speak hiphop. Why is it that one can busta rhyme or busta move anywhere but you must busta cap in someone's ass? Is "ho" always feminine, and "muthafucka" always masculine, while "bitch" can be either? How many peeps in a posse, how much booty before baby got back, do you have to be all that to get all up in that, and do I need to be dope and phat to be da bomb or can I just be "stupid"? I'll not be singing over any dead mothers until I understand. ”
- Christopher Moore- Copy
- 3.4K
“ Everyone thinks that it was the big strong caveman who got the girl, and for the most part, that may have been true, but physical strength doesn't explain how our species created civilization. I think there was always some scrawny dreamer sitting at the edge of the firelight, who had the ability to imagine dangers, to look into the future in his imagination and see possibilities, and therefore survived to pass his genes on to the next generation. When the big ape men ended up running off the cliff or getting killed while trying to beat a mastodon into submission with a stick, the dreamer was standing back thinking 'Hey, that might work, but you need to run the mastodon off the cliff.' And, then he'd mate with the women left over after the gogetters got killed. ”
- Christopher Moore- Copy
- 1.4K
“ As a teacher of fourthgraders in a public school, where corporal punishement was not allowed, she had years of violence stored up and was, truth be told, sort of enjoying letting it out on Kona, who she felt could have been the poster child for the failure of public education. ”
- Christopher Moore- Copy
- 538
“ As a teacher of fourthgraders in a public school, where corporal punishement was not allowed, she had years of violence stored up and was, truth be told, sort of enjoying letting it out on Kona, who she felt could have been the poster child for the failure of public education. ”
- Christopher Moore- Copy
- 1.6K
“ Stephenie Meyer: Her vampires are sparkly, which I think we can all agree is wrong. ”
- Christopher Moore- Copy
- 3.4K
“ Stephenie Meyer: Her vampires are sparkly, which I think we can all agree is wrong. ”
- Christopher Moore- Copy
- 3.7K
- 1