Quotes of Jimmy Fallon

“ The one thing you shouldn’t do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere. ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ Sometimes I wish I had a terrible childhood, so that at least I’d have an excuse. ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ Sometimes I wish I had a terrible childhood, so that at least I’d have an excuse. ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ I read one chapter of a book and put it down. Thank God for Kindle. ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ I sing in the car if I'm in LA, because you're like soundproofed. ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ I sing in the car if I'm in LA, because you're like soundproofed. ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ A Pennsylvania woman convicted for shoplifting was sentenced to wear a badge that reads Convicted Shoplifter. However, her lawyers hope to plea bargain down to a bumper sticker reading I'd Rather Be Stealing! ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ Don't Keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason. ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend. ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ A Pennsylvania woman convicted for shoplifting was sentenced to wear a badge that reads Convicted Shoplifter. However, her lawyers hope to plea bargain down to a bumper sticker reading I'd Rather Be Stealing! ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ The Pentagon banned the army from using Chinese-made berets. In a more veiled slap at the Chinese, the Pentagon also banned any alternative form of checkers. ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ A Pennsylvania woman convicted for shoplifting was sentenced to wear a badge that reads Convicted Shoplifter. However, her lawyers hope to plea bargain down to a bumper sticker reading I'd Rather Be Stealing! ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model. ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ Sandler's always good. Tom Hanks gave me some good advice. ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ Hey baby, do you like fine cooking? Cause you know what? I got Swanson's Dinner in the freezer with your name on it.". ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ Hey baby, do you like fine cooking? Cause you know what? I got Swanson's Dinner in the freezer with your name on it.". ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ John Walker Lindh, a twenty-year-old American studying in Pakistan, was captured in Northern Afghanistan fighting for the Taliban. Experts call it the worst semester abroad program ever. ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model. ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic. ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who makes ballon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must be. ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ Sandler's always good. Tom Hanks gave me some good advice. ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ A Pennsylvania woman convicted for shoplifting was sentenced to wear a badge that reads Convicted Shoplifter. However, her lawyers hope to plea bargain down to a bumper sticker reading I'd Rather Be Stealing! ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ In Pakistan anti-American protesters set a Kentucky Fried chicken restaurant on fire. The protesters mistakenly thought they were attacking high-ranking U.S. military official Colonel Sanders. ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ The Pentagon banned the army from using Chinese-made berets. In a more veiled slap at the Chinese, the Pentagon also banned any alternative form of checkers. ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ Arnold Schwarzenegger's publicist told USA Today that the actor has not ruled out running for governor of California, saying that he will make a decision soon. Reportedly Arnold needs that time to learn how to pronounce gubernatorial. ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ New Scientist magazine reported that in the future, cars could be powered by hazelnuts. That's encouraging, considering an eight-ounce jar of hazelnuts costs about nine dollars. Yeah, I've got an idea for a car that runs on bald eagle heads and Faberge eggs. ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ The Pentagon banned the army from using Chinese-made berets. In a more veiled slap at the Chinese, the Pentagon also banned any alternative form of checkers. ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ I had a gun and I had to run and shoot, which is not easy. ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ I had a gun and I had to run and shoot, which is not easy. ”

- Jimmy Fallon

“ In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing. ”

- Jimmy Fallon
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