Quotes of Erma Bombeck

“ Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ Never have more children than you have car windows. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ Never have more children than you have car windows. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ Children make your life important. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, disgust, and tears in my eyes. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ I loved you enough to let you stumble, fall, hurt, and fail. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ I am not a glutton. I am an explorer of food. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ Shopping is a woman thing. It’s a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ”

- Erma Bombeck

“ When God Created Mothers" When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel appeared and said. "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one." And God said, "Have you read the specs on this order?" She has to be completely washable, but not plastic. Have 180 moveable parts...all replaceable. Run on black coffee and leftovers. Have a lap that disappears when she stands up. A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair. And six pairs of hands." The angel shook her head slowly and said. "Six pairs of hands.... no way." It's not the hands that are causing me problems," God remarked, "it's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have." That's on the standard model?" asked the angel. God nodded. One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, 'What are you kids doing in there?' when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say. 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word." God," said the angel touching his sleeve gently, "Get some rest tomorrow...." I can't," said God, "I'm so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick...can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger...and can get a nine year old to stand under a shower." The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. "It's too soft," she sighed. But tough!" said God excitedly. "You can imagine what this mother can do or endure." Can it think?" Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise," said the Creator. Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model." It's not a leak," said the Lord, "It's a tear." What's it for?" It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride." You are a genius, " said the angel. Somberly, God said, "I didn't put it there. ”

- Erma Bombeck
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