Quotes of David Letterman

“ Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees. ”

- David Letterman

“ Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees. ”

- David Letterman

“ There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting. ”

- David Letterman

“ Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. ”

- David Letterman

“ USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population. ”

- David Letterman

“ USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population. ”

- David Letterman

“ If it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever. ”

- David Letterman

“ Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it? ”

- David Letterman

“ Yesterday the Iraqis and U.S. troops pulled down a giant statue of Saddam Hussein. They pull it down and it lands right on top of Geraldo. ”

- David Letterman

“ There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting. ”

- David Letterman

“ He's a ruthless dictator but he also thinks he's a playwright. Saddam wrote a play called 'Zabiba and the King' … attendance has dropped off since Nathan Lane has left the show. ”

- David Letterman

“ I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments. ”

- David Letterman

“ Everyone has this sense of togetherness right now. For example, one guy on the subway today, he wanted to share my pants. ”

- David Letterman

“ Everyone has this sense of togetherness right now. For example, one guy on the subway today, he wanted to share my pants. ”

- David Letterman

“ Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard. ”

- David Letterman

“ There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting. ”

- David Letterman

“ Here's my problem. On Valentine's Day the flowers are wilting and so am I. ”

- David Letterman

“ Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the President of the United States. Her husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly disappointed. He is crushed. There go his dreams of becoming a two-impeachment family. ”

- David Letterman

“ Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever. ”

- David Letterman

“ Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache? ”

- David Letterman

“ Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache? ”

- David Letterman

“ Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives. ”

- David Letterman

“ Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno. ”

- David Letterman

“ Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees. ”

- David Letterman

“ Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck. And don't call me Regis. ”

- David Letterman

“ Day 27 - Bush uses 70,000 gallons of fuel to fly home to deal with the oil crisis. ”

- David Letterman

“ Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever. ”

- David Letterman

“ Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck. And don't call me Regis. ”

- David Letterman

“ There is a new billboard outside Time Square. It keeps an up-to minute count of gun-related crimes in New York. Some goofball is going to shoot someone just to see the numbers move. ”

- David Letterman

“ The candidates at the Republican debate looked like a town council that was outlawing dancing. They looked like a board of directors that was lying about poisoning a river.... I tried to TiVo the debate and my TiVo fell asleep. ”

- David Letterman
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